Don't Look Back
by Miss Peg
Summary: Jane's looking to the future, which makes her remember her past. Spoilers for the latest season seven episodes, and half prediction/half hope for the end of the show.


**Warning : This story/my author note contains spoilers for the latest episodes of season seven.**

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 **Author Notes : All it took was one brief mention of Jane going to Quantico for me to guess where they were going to take the ending of this season, so naturally my mind has gone into overdrive and has lots of thoughts and ideas for stories of how Jane leaves.**

 **I have two "end" fics planned; this one shot and another one shot that will likely become a chapter fic. That one may take a little longer for me to get around to writing.**

 **Requests : I am now taking one shot requests, so please check my profile if you have an idea that you might like to be written - no guarantees, but get in touch and we can discuss!**

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She clung to the doorframe, her head rested against the wood, her eyes fixed on Maura as she worked on her laptop. A smile crept across Jane's face, then faded. The tapping of Maura's fingers on the keyboard filled the silence. She picked up a couple of pieces of paper, rustled them about, before replacing them into their file. Jane smiled again. She felt an ache settle in the centre of her chest and wondered if this was what it was going to feel like for the rest of her life.

x

 _"You Doctor Isles?" Jane asked, standing in the doorway. The woman, far younger than her predecessor, sat behind the desk with her eyes fixed on a computer._

 _She barely glanced up. "I am."_

 _"You're a woman."_

 _She pursed her lips, and stared back at Jane. "I am. Doctor Maura Isles."_

 _"I'm Detective Rizzoli." She glanced around the office, kitted out with new, but definitely old, mismatched furniture and a worn chair. "Wasn't expecting a woman, or someone so young."_

 _"Thank you," Maura said. "I think."_

 _Jane stepped into the room and perched on the edge of the sideboard by the door. "You're the woman from the café."_

 _Maura frowned. "Which woman?"_

 _"Don't you recognise me without my undercover lady of the night costume?" she asked, then strengthened her accent. "Do you mind?"_

 _"The rude prostitute from the café," Maura said, her eyes fixed on Jane. "Please don't sit on the Mackintosh."_

 _"The what?" Jane stood up and looked at the wooden sideboard._

 _"Charles Rennie Mackintosh."_

 _"That means nothing to me."_

 _Jane sat down in the worn chair, then stood up again and thrust herself back down. She leaned back and grimaced._

 _"It's a," Maura paused. "Never mind. What are you doing?"_

 _"This chair isn't very comfortable."_

 _"It's not supposed to be comfortable, it's Edwardian."_

 _"What's that mean?"_

 _"It's from the Edwardian era." Narrowing her eyes, Maura forced a smile. "It's old. What can I do for you, Detective Rizzoli?"_

 _"Nothing." Jane rested her elbows on her knees. "I start Homicide next week, wanted to meet the medical examiner. Detective Korsak said you're important."_

 _"I'm not sure I would consider myself particularly important," Maura said. "My role is merely a significant cog in the investigative process."_

 _"You sure like using big words, don't 'ya?"_

 _Maura narrowed her eyes and stood up. She clasped her hands together and rested them against the front of her perfectly tailored dress. "I see no purpose in using colloquialisms not understood by all. If you don't mind, Detective Rizzoli, I have work to do."_

x

"Are you going to stand there all day?" Maura asked, not lifting her gaze from her work.

Jane felt the familiar sting of tears, the lump settled in the back of her throat. She nodded and crossed the threshold. A decade was a long time, yet it had passed by in a flash. She sat down on the couch. "Whatever happened to the stupid chair you used to have?"

Maura half closed the lid of her laptop and stood up. "Which chair?"

"The old one."

Raising her eyebrows, Maura stared at Jane. She shrugged. "When did I have it?"

"When you first moved into this office."

"The Edwardian? I sold it." Maura took the chair opposite her. "For quite a lot more than I originally paid for it."

"But it was old, and uncomfortable."

"I have a feeling we've had a conversation like this already," Maura said. "I had it restored."

Leaning back in her seat, Jane relished in the comfort of the latest furniture. She hugged a pillow and stared at Maura, until Maura stared back, a crease between her eyebrows.

"How's Neil?"

"Neil is as lovely as the day I met him," Maura said, her smile growing. "It's our one month anniversary next week."

Jane's heart ached. She clutched the pillow tighter until her fingers grew white. Maura watched her, her smile faltered momentarily before it returned, stronger than ever.

"I've just finished the autopsy on Paulette Keaton."

"Let's go," Jane said, standing up quickly, and clearing her throat. She dropped the pillow, stalked across the room and bashed the door open with her palm.

Maura's heels clacked across the tiled examination room in her wake. Jane walked all the way to the other side of the body, then back again, walking off the threat of tears.

"You seem restless."

x

 _"Nobody would blame you for wanting to leave the room," Maura said._

 _Jane stood beside the body. Her first. She'd seen dead people before, there were many murders and accidental deaths she'd attended as a young officer. But this was the first homicide she had to help solve. The clinical environment of the examination room, mixed with the chemicals, and the unfamiliar scent of death, settled in the pit of her stomach, fighting against its previous contents._

 _"I'm fine," she said, folding her hands together in front of her. She took half a step back as Maura made the first incision._

 _"The crime tech has already taken samples from the body, they'll have their results at various stages over the next few weeks."_

 _"Why does it take so long?"_

 _"Overworked and underfunded departments, and a process that is not immediate."_

 _The snap of the rib cage breaking made Jane jump. She closed her eyes and refocused. Maura removed it, then carefully cut through pieces of skin, tugging and slicing until she placed what looked like organs onto a tray._

 _"They the lungs?"_

 _"They are."_

 _"Why do you cut out the lungs?"_

 _"To check for any natural causes of death. In addition to checking the internal damage caused by the wound."_

 _"The knife wound?"_

 _"We don't know that it's a knife wound."_

 _"Looks like a knife wound to me."_

 _"Thankfully, we rely on science and evidence, not supposition, Detective Rizzoli."_

 _Jane frowned. "I'm a Detective, not a scientist."_

 _"Which is why I'm doing the autopsy." Maura sighed. "The less questions, the better."_

 _"Oh. Right." Another organ landed in a metal tray. Jane pressed her lips together, the tingling sensation overwhelmed her._

 _"Are you okay Detective Rizzoli?"_

x

"I'm fine," Jane said.

Maura narrowed her eyes. "Forgive me for not believing you."

"You wanna get some lunch after this?"

Maura's eyebrows raised. "I have time for lunch."

"Great." Jane stood beside the body, her hands clasped together at her front.

"I brought some leftover gnocchi," Maura said. "If you'd like to share it."

Jane frowned, her lips pursed together. "Is it in the dead fridge?"

"It is."

"Maura!" Jane tossed her arms about at her sides. "You know how much I love leftover gnocchi, why would you put it in there?"

"I don't know where else I can store food that isn't crammed high with other people's food."

"Here's an idea," she said. "Cram it in there with them."

Ignoring Jane's petulance, Maura relayed the information gathered in the autopsy. Jane returned to the office, while Maura dealt with the body, cautiously aware of the location of her arriving lunch.

"Here you are," Maura said, sitting down opposite her. She placed the container on the table. "You vanished."

"Didn't want to watch you get gnocchi from a dead body."

Maura rolled her eyes. "I don't keep the food in the same section as the bodies."

"I still don't want to have to see it," she said.

Maura dished up the food onto two small plates; picking up a fork, Jane closed her eyes and focused on the food until the first bite pushed aside all thoughts of dead bodies.

"Ma makes the best gnocchi."

"How did you know it was your mothers?" Maura asked.

"I know Ma's cooking," she said. She placed the plate on the table and watched Maura, her eyes filled with tears again. "That's one thing I'm really gonna miss."

"When?" Maura continued to eat, her attention diverted between Jane and her lunch.

She swallowed the lump in her throat. It was now or never, she had to bite the bullet or she'd never say it. "When I move to DC."

The fork in Maura's hand landed on her plate with a clatter. She stared at Jane, her mouth partially open. Jane lowered her gaze, the fixed stare made it too difficult to look back. She swiped the back of her hand across her cheek.

"You took the job."

She nodded. "It was too good an opportunity to pass up."

"I agree," Maura said, her lips pressed firmly together. "I just didn't expect you to actually do it."

"Well, I did."

"I can see that." The crease between her eyebrows deepened. Jane's heart sunk. Her left leg shook involuntarily. Maura placed her hand on it, stopping it. Her smile barely reached the corners of her eyes. "I'm happy for you. When do you leave?"

"In a week."

"That soon?" Maura's eyes glistened. Jane nodded. "I didn't realise, I thought you had to work at least a month's notice."

She lowered her eyes. "I didn't know how to tell you."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry."

x

 _"Sorry? Is that all you have to say?"_

 _Maura frowned. "I didn't realise the opportunity would come up, and I'd be expected to act so quickly."_

 _"You must have known about this for a while," Jane said. "Nobody finds out they're going to China for four months and leaves the next day."_

 _"I've known for a week. I've been busy making arrangements, I had an appointment for my visa, I've had to arrange cover for my job."_

 _"But four months, Maura."_

 _Jane sat back against the couch and closed her eyes. She opened them again when Maura placed a hand on her knee._

 _"I've wanted this opportunity for years. I'd given up; when I applied I was clear to myself that I wouldn't do it again."_

 _"It's a long time."_

 _"It's not that long." Maura ran her hand across Jane's knee. "You can come visit."_

 _"Me?" Jane rolled her eyes. "You're forgetting who you're talking to."_

 _"There's Chinese food."_

 _"Really?" Jane leaned forward. "I didn't think that China would have Chinese food."_

 _Maura ran a finger across her cheek and gave Jane's knee a squeeze, before returning her hand to her lap. "Please don't make this harder than it needs to be. This is an amazing opportunity, please be happy for me."_

 _"I am." Jane grasped at her hand, clutching it in her own. "You will do amazing things over there. I just didn't expect you to leave me for so long."_

 _"We're not attached at the hip," Maura said. "We can survive."_

 _"I beg to differ. I think maybe we are attached, survival of one relies on the other being nearby. If you go, I might shrivel up and die."_

 _Maura smiled. "Now you're being melodramatic."_

 _Jane sighed and squeezed Maura's hand. "I'm gonna miss you."_

x

"I know, Ma," she said, sitting on a stool at the Dirty Robber. She pushed the empty bottle forward. "I'll miss you too, but I'll be home for the holidays."

Angela frowned. "It's not the same."

"I know it's not, but I need to do this. You and Frankie are doing so well, you don't need me anymore."

"We'll always need you." Angela gripped her fingers. "You're my baby. I'll never not need you."

"I'll always need you, too," Jane said, smiling. "You can come visit."

"I will definitely do that." She took another beer out of the fridge and removed the lid. "How does Maura feel?"

Jane's shoulders lowered. She wrapped a hand around the beer and supped the cool liquid. Lowering her hand, she sighed. "I dunno. She said she's happy for me but she hasn't spoken to me in days."

"It's gonna take some time," Angela said. "You know how much your friendship means to her."

Jane closed her eyes and lowered her head further. Tears pricked at her eyelids. She cleared her throat. "I need her to be okay with this."

"She will be. She's Maura."

"But she's also Maura," Jane said, fixing her gaze on her mother's. "She's Maura."

"I know," Angela said, rubbing the back of her hand. "Unless you're gonna do something about that, you're gonna have to find a way to live with it."

"I can't stay, Ma. Not when she has another boyfriend. Not when I have an opportunity for something really great."

"Then it's time you tried to move past it. What about that Agent?"

x

 _"Agent Dean?" Jane laughed. "I am not in love with Agent Dean."_

 _"Sure looks like love to me."_

 _"It's not." Jane forged a smile, but averted Maura's gaze. She leaned against the table and picked up her beer. "Whatever we had wasn't enough. He was never gonna be enough for me."_

 _"You're so stubborn."_

 _"I am not," Jane said. "I just know what I want, and it's not him."_

 _"What do you want then?"_

 _Jane stared into her eyes. It was the wrong time, again. There was never a right time. "I just don't want him. Not that much."_

 _"So, I can have him?"_

 _Jane stared at her. She pushed her hands between her knees, forcing them to stop shaking. "No!"_

 _"You don't sound like you don't want to be with Agent Dean," Maura said._

 _"I don't."_

 _"I'm not sure you could pass an FBI lie detector test."_

 _"I have to go," Jane said, standing up._

x

She stood on Maura's doorstep, her heart ached harder than it had before. It was the night before she was due to leave and Maura still hadn't spoken to her about anything other than their latest case.

"I just wanted to say goodbye," she said, forging a smile.

Maura nodded. "Okay."

"I leave tomorrow."

"What time?" Maura's mouth barely curved.

Jane sighed, disappointed. "Two."

"You didn't have a goodbye celebration."

"You know me." Jane shrugged. "I didn't want anyone to make a fuss."

"Would you like your gift now?"

Her eyes filled with tears again. She didn't know why she still stood on the doorstep, like she'd already left Maura's life, and inviting herself into Maura's house was less acceptable. She pawed at her cheek.

"You don't have to give me anything."

"I do."

"Now," Jane said.

Maura disappeared into the house. Ordinarily she would have followed her across the living room. She didn't move. Maura returned and handed over a small package. She unwrapped it slowly, carefully, until inside she found a glass.

"For your beer," she said.

Jane frowned. "You know I drink it out the bottle."

"I know," Maura said. "But I didn't know what else to get you. It's engraved."

"Dear Jane, All my love, Maura." Jane pressed her lips together. "Maybe I'll drink out of a glass from now on."

Maura nodded, her eyes shone beneath the light. Jane stared at her, her whole face crumbled but she fought against the desire to cry. She reached a hand out, then returned it to the glass. She clutch it against her chest.

"I should go."

"Okay," Maura said.

"I'll miss you."

She walked down the path. The door closed behind her. She turned back and approached the front door again. She lifted her hand to knock, but the sound of Maura crying on the other side made her pull her hand back.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

x

 _Jane stood against Maura's door, her head rested against the wood, her feet flat on the ground. If Maura opened the door, she would fall backwards. But she wouldn't open the door. Jane turned around until her forehead pressed against the wood. She ran a hand up against the frame._

 _"Please, Maura, talk to me. I know you're there."_

 _No response. Jane sighed and listened to the heartbreaking sobs on the other side of the door. She clutched her fist, the desire to punch Jack overwhelmed her, until she heard Maura again and lowered her hand._

 _"I know you're hurting. I know words don't help but you've told me so many times that it will get easier."_

x

"I don't want it to get easier," Angela said, wiping at her eyes. "I'm going to miss you too much."

They stood in the entrance of the townhouse, Jane sunk into her mother's arms and pushed her face into the side of her neck. She clung to her, kissed her cheek and pulled away. Frankie pulled her into a hug and she stroked his back.

"I'm gonna miss you too," Jane said, running a hand down the side of Frankie's cheek.

"Where's Maura?" Frankie asked. "I thought she'd be here."

"No." Jane lowered her gaze. "We've already said our goodbye."

"It's gone one. We should go," Frankie said. "Or you'll miss your flight."

Angela pulled her back into her arms. "Call me the moment you get there."

"I will."

"And every day."

"Every other day."

"Every day for a week, then we can negotiate."

"Okay."

"You have three boxes of my gnocchi and pasta in the truck."

"I'm not even sure if I have anywhere to put it, Ma."

"It's already on the way."

"I won't need to cook for weeks," Jane said, hugging her again. "Thanks, Ma."

Frankie picked up Jane's cases and carried them out onto the sidewalk. Angela followed. Jane stood in the doorway and took one last look at the place she called home for the last few months. She didn't think she'd miss the weird items, but there was so much more she was saying goodbye to.

She closed the door behind her.

x

 _Maura placed a box on the floor beside the door. Jane pushed it into the corner with a couple of other boxes. She didn't own much, after the fire, which made it easier to move. It made her feel a little sad, knowing that all she owned could fill just a handful of small boxes. It would take a while to build her wardrobe back up, even with the haul that Maura insisted on purchasing for her._

 _"I know you've only just moved in so you may not know what you need yet," Maura said. "But I thought you would appreciate a television for your bedroom."_

 _"Baseball in bed?" Jane grinned and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. "You are the best."_

 _"I thought you'd appreciate it."_

 _"You really have to stop buying me things."_

 _"What use is there in having friends if we don't help each other out when times are difficult?"_

 _Jane ran a hand across her shoulder and leaned in close, she brushed her lips against the side of Maura's mouth. When she pulled back, she captured her mouth again, briefly, before shrugging and returning her attention to the box._

 _"I should take it upstairs."_

 _"Sure," Maura said._

 _She gripped the handles and glanced up at Maura. Her eyebrows creased together. Maura stood with her fingers resting on her lips. Jane's heart raced inside her chest. She shouldn't have done it._

 _"I'll take this upstairs then call for pizza."_

x

"Maur, what are you doing here?" The air escaped from Jane's lungs, her fingers pale as she clutched the door handle. "It's three in the morning."

"I'm sorry." Maura stepped forward, her hand outstretched, then fell back beside her leg. "I arrived and came straight over."

"Why?"

"What do you mean why?"

"Why are you here?" She rubbed her tired eyes. "I only left a few hours ago."

"Why didn't you wait for me?"

"You came all this way to ask me that?"

"I went to the townhouse for two. Your mother was packing up boxes. She said you left at one. Why did you lie to me?"

Jane lowered her gaze. "Saying goodbye to everyone was too hard."

"I could see that." Maura sighed. "But I'm not everyone."

"I know."

"I didn't get a chance to hug you goodbye."

"It's better that way."

"Why?"

Jane stared into Maura's eyes. "If I hugged you, I'm not sure I'd have been able to let go again. I didn't want it to be our last goodbye."

Maura's face crumbled. "Why would it be?"

"We've talked about this before," Jane said. "We wouldn't be friends if we weren't colleagues. Now we're not colleagues anymore."

"Wouldn't being the optimum word, Jane. It's different now. We've formed a bond that surpasses our working lives."

"I couldn't say goodbye to you last," Jane said. She stared at the ground, her bare feet against the wooden flooring. "You turning up here is making it really difficult knowing I'll have to do it again."

"What makes it so difficult?" Maura asked. "Because we're friends?"

Jane cleared her throat, the threat of tears evident from the lump in her throat. She stared at Maura again, then her eyes danced between her face and the floor. "I think the fact you came all the way from Boston to DC at three in the morning tells me you know it's not just because we're friends."

"I hoped you'd say that," Maura whispered, stepping forward. She reached a hand out to Jane's and held it tightly.

Jane stared down at their fingers, interlinked. "If you're here to ask me to come back to Boston, I can't do that."

"I don't expect you to."

"I've hoped you'd turn up on my doorstep for so long," Jane said, staring up at the ceiling. She fought the tears threatening to overflow down her cheeks. "Now it's finally happened. Maura, I can't give up this opportunity. It was hard enough saying goodbye. I can't go back to Boston now."

Maura squeezed her hand tightly. "I'm not asking you to."

"Then what are you doing?"

Silence. Maura's lips curved at the edges, right on up to her eyes. Jane glanced from their fingers, to her face, to her eyes.

"I thought I'd move to DC."

"What?" Jane let go of her hand and stepped back, her mouth agape. "Are you serious? You're in a relationship. You have a career."

"I can be a medical examiner anywhere, I could teach."

"And Neil?"

"I'm not in love with Neil." Maura stood on the threshold, her eyes never faltered from their fix on Jane's. "And I can't keep pretending I'm not in love with you."

Her heart leaped, beating twice as fast as was feasibly possible, or so it felt. Jane tried to breath, her lungs failed to fill quickly, and she gasped for air. Tears skated down her cheeks. Maura smiled, and cupped her face, wiping the tears from the edges of her skin with her thumbs.

"Did you just say that?"

"I did," Maura said. "If it's okay with you, I'm going to come inside and kiss you now."

Jane nodded, wrapping her hands around the back of Maura's shoulders as she captured her mouth with her lips. They took a couple of steps into the apartment, their mouths moved together as they entered the apartment. Jane kicked the door closed, then stepped back, still breathless.

"I love you, too."

* * *

 **The End**


End file.
